Seasons of the Soul

What Feeds Us?

 

 

It was 3:00 in the afternoon and I wandered aimlessly around the house – wanting something, but not able to identify what it was. I walked to the refrigerator, opened the door and looked to see what was appealing. Nothing. Did I want another cup of tea? No. What, then? Nothing would fill the void inside, and as I sat down to ponder what was going on I realized that there was a deep unfulfilled space within – a longing for something meaningful that would fulfill my need to contribute – to write – and to make a difference.

I wonder how many of us use food as compensation for the unfulfilled aspects of our lives? We have a feeling of hollowness that cannot be filled, and food becomes a temporary panacea – giving us a momentary feeling of wellbeing and comfort. When I note the number of individuals locked in addiction or severely overweight, it becomes evident that we have become a society that is focused on meaningless tasks and shallow expectations. Yet, the soul longs for meaningful expression. And when we are bombarded by idiotic messages that lock us into hormone/testosterone driven pursuits and acquisition for the sake of having more – we begin to lose our connection to the tone we were born with.

What do I mean by the tone? Each of us has a vibration that fills us as we come into this earth experience. We are attuned to those elements that mesh with our own vibration. Some are musical. Others express through motion. This one has an engineering mentality, while that one is scientific in nature. There are multiple expressions of our uniqueness. Like snowflakes, we all have a special imprint, and the task is to find opportunities that allow those affinities to be released in a way that blesses the world and fulfills us. Then we have made a difference. Then the longing is no more.

There have been a few times in my life when that longing was fulfilled. Each time had to do with writing projects that completely harnessed my focus and imagination. For me, expressing observations is a major part of my tonal affinity. It is through communication – especially the written word – that I find myself deeply in love. All of me is engaged. Thomas Moore once wrote that if our work is not our lover, it is not our work. I understood what he meant when I wrote my novel, Vision of the Grail. There was nothing left out. The world was full, and I was keenly aware of being awake and alive.

Writing a book is a great labor – and when it comes to end, it is a completion process that can leave one bereft because that labor – that engagement – is what feeds the writer. The same can be said for any labor of love that comes to term and has an ending. The fear is that perhaps there will be no more ideas – no more projects that totally immerse us in something meaningful and soul filling.

I have found that there are cycles in a creative life. We cannot always be in process of externalizing the muse. There are down times that require digesting and renewal. It can be frustrating when we deeply yearn for that sense of being “in the zone”. The zone also has to accommodate the moments of nothing when seemingly everything has stopped.

If we look to nature for clues regarding the process of creativity, we see that there are necessary stages for completion of a cycle. First we have the pristine soil. We make sure all the nutrients are provided in order to receive the seed. Then we plant the seeds that will later yield harvest. Some will grow; others will not. We nurture and water and weed out the distracting elements, and then the plant begins to make its way through the soil, reaching toward the sun, and growing into what it will become. At its apex, we harvest its fruit, and then let the leaves fall to create the mulch that will enrich the soil for next planting. After this intense period of growth and development, stillness comes. We cannot recreate the process before time has elapsed. And it is this still point that is particularly difficult for us to digest, because we live in a society so outwardly driven that when there are the down times, we feel something is wrong. Yet, the still times are some of the most important in the entire process because our internal wellspring is being refilled.

Looking at people who burn themselves out in jobs where there is never a rest – or never a space between projects that allows for significant replenishment of body/mind/spirit – I realize that the illusion of no new ideas is merely that. When we embrace the still point and allow for quiet, we flow with life and the internal muse that needs time to be immersed in spirit, not activity. We stop fighting. We stop feeling empty. We don’t need to go to the refrigerator to look for something to fill the empty space, because there is nothing lacking. Fullness in emptiness. Emptiness is full. All phases are appropriate in their season. All have reason. And we, moving in concert with the whole process, need never be hungry again.

 

Sweeping

 

 

When I was a little girl, I remember sitting on the steps of our apartment house in San Francisco, watching the Russian ladies who lived in the area out on the sidewalk with babushkas covering their hair, brooms in hand, sweeping the streets in front of their places until everything was sparkling and clean. They would also come out with pails of soap and water and wash the stairs and the stoops. I’d wave my arms in the air, imagining I was directing their actions, and always the peaceful sound of swish, swoop, swish could be heard. That image, and the remnant of an age gone by when a rag man would come up our street with his horse and cart, are wonderful memories from long ago that enrich my reflections. The rag man was an oddity then – it was the last gasp of an era gone by – but as a little girl, I found watching him come by, hearing the clip clop of his horse’s hooves, and the sound of wooden wheels squeaking on the pavement, fascinating and poignant.

I recall when I first moved from the City to the suburbs as a child, and we mowed our lawn. You could hear the sound of blades churning as kids or parents were out taking care of their gardens. There weren’t a lot of gardeners in those days – at least not where we lived – people did the household chores and garden chores on Saturday together. It was a great symphony of cooperation. Chop, chop, swish, swoosh. Blades and sweeping – no ear splitting motors, just the contentment of knowing all was right in the world and all the neighbors were out participating in the rite of house care that meant families caring for their homes together.

When electric mowers came into existence, and then leaf blowers, it coincided with acid rock and raised decibels – noise as music, noise as efficiency, noise as a way of life. I never would use the electric mower. My husband was thrilled to have it. In fact, it wasn’t until we got one that he took over the job of mowing lawns. Before that, I was the Saturday lawn contingent. I don’t have a lawn anymore. I prefer plants and shrubs and flowers.

When I go out to the garden and bring my broom, I can sweep to my heart’s content. It doesn’t disturb the birds, doesn’t ruffle the air, and brings me back to a simpler time when people appreciated the task of mowing and sweeping, and used the time to engage in quiet reverie.

The rhythm of the broom is a dance unto itself – and it is always in those moments of sweeping in the garden that new ideas are birthed in my thought process. No Walkman, no IPod, no Talk Radio to distract me. Just the broom, the fallen leaves and blossoms, sounds of nature, and me.

Swish, swoosh, swish, swoosh….Ahhhh. 

Beginning Anew

 

 

As the year begins, we have an opportunity to look at what works in our lives and what doesn't. We have the options to re-create ourselves with the dawning of a new day. Somehow the changeover from one year to another gives a psychological boost to refreshing ourselves, our vision, and our intentions.

Whether or not we follow our intention sets a tone for the year. When we take the steps required to unfold what we've promised to ourselves, we are strengthened each day in the doing. However, when we forget or slide back into old habits we've determined to break, we let ourselves down, and we are diminished. Therefore, it's important to set a tone in the beginning that we are steadfast about each day, so that we will strengthen our will and develop the fortitude to make a success of the new start toward renewal. And if we stumble or forget, we can pick ourselves up again, knowing that each day brings a new dawn and a fresh start.

For today - let us remember that we are an incredible resource, here to contribute our light and service in ways akin to our heart. Let us not see ourselves as anything less than precious, for this life is a gift to us all - and what we do with it is our gift to the Creator.

 

Now Is the Time for Expressing Gratitude

 

These days of uncertainty in the economic and political world require that each of us return to a time honored practice - focusing on the blessings of our lives and expressing gratitude for all that we have. This extends to the air we breathe, the food we are able to buy and grow, and the companionship of people for whom we have love and affection.

It is very easy to be swayed by fear when all the news we are bombarded with gives us little or no comfort, and that is why as we gather together in appreciation for what is, rather than what is not, we draw greater peace of mind and circumstances that provide opportunity - even in times such as these.

This is a good time to take stock of our own abilities, gifts, talents, and what we find as really important rather than what advertisers and mass media tells us we should think is important. It's time to develop appreciation for the simple things in life, and get back to the basics that provide meaningful livelihood. We have been living in a bubble of inflated expectations and a mentality of greed that has been upping the bar to such an extent that many, many good people have fallen into hard times because they could not achieve the level of income or success demanded in order to share in the wealth of our nation. Now we see how much of that wealth was based on paper profits rather than solid foundations.

In looking within ourselves to find our own inner gold and inner fortitude, we can build our lives in such a way that we inherit the finer meaning of life - expressing joy and sharing the love we hold for others in more meaningful ways that do not require extravagances in order to make our lives and time together special.

As we focus on the good that we have, share, and are...more comes. If we allow ourselves to be steeped in fear based on the news of the day, we miss major opportunities to see the beauty of life that persists in spite of the state of our economy or world.

Risk to Reward

 

 

I was once at a dinner, seated next to a record producer, and asked him if there was anything that stood out in the people who became successful in the music industry versus those who didn’t. His answer was, “Absolutely. The musicians who are dedicated to their music will eat, sleep, and play regardless of circumstances. They will live on the streets if they have to. Nothing stops them from playing their music.”

That answer sums up a lot of things, and for most of us who allow our song or story or gift to languish inside because we are intent on making a reasonable living, the image is clear. We trade off the gifts of life for the illusion of security, and yet, when we do this, what happens to our inner life?

It is evident to me that people who come into our lives are mirrors of what we need to see, want to be, or what we need to overcome. And in the viewing, we may not get the full meaning of their message aside from friendship. I have several people in my life who are dedicated to their gifts, and are living life on the edge. They are unwilling to compromise and are stressed in the material sense, but totally fulfilled in their creative pursuits.

They have a sense of aliveness that eludes many of us who sell out the gift of Spirit for a paycheck. And yet, in viewing these creative warriors, I mistakenly have seen them as not being realistic…of not having a Plan B to fall back to should their work not hit the mark they are hoping for. However, my image of what they “should” do to be “safe” is totally contrary to their expression of life, and in my own unwillingness to take the gifts I’ve been given and find ways of bringing them forward more fully, I miss the point of their message to me. It is the same message I’ve received for years every time I have gotten concerned about making a living, and taken on jobs that aren’t really my soul work, but pay the bills. And each time, I end up depleted and frustrated because my own work seems to stop.

We cannot serve two masters. Either we serve the Spirit of our gifts, or we serve the pursuit of mammon. And unless we put Spirit first, our end result will be frustration. We may make a pay check, but we will not be fulfilled. Over and over we are told to do what we love and the money will follow. But what are we willing to sacrifice in doing this? For those who are safety conscious and fearful of losing security, that is a tall order. Yet, that is what life is about – thrusting us out of our comfort zone into the world of risk and reward.

As we see the results of trying to make a living when the cost of living is beyond so many, and the level of depression has skyrocketed as a result, we are all being called to simplicity and simplifying our wants and needs. Many will be challenged as more and more jobs are taken over by robots or sent overseas, and it is scary. But we can use this time to become what we were intended, and in the unmasking of the illusion of safety, we may indeed find out just what we are really made of and chart a course that will allow our soul potential to come into full bloom

Risk and reward is not about gambling, but about giving ourselves to our heart’s desire with full focus and attention. As we do so, we may have to find alternative ways of living, and we’ll find out how little we really needed, because when we are engaged in purposeful living, we are deeply nourished and satisfied.

These are extraordinary times that most of us never experienced before. There are great challenges and even greater opportunities, but we must overcome the fear that has held us in bondage, and be willing to march to the tune of the inner drummer. Then we will all see just what we’re made of and what might be possible.

The Paradox of Winter

 

We move through the year knowing that as much as we might not want it, winter comes again, and must. It is the time of lull and hush and stillness save when storms are raging. It is an imposition of quiet on our otherwise hurried lives. We endure the storms of winter, knowing they bring the verdant green of spring. And the still times cause us to pause and reflect, to turn within to apprehend the hidden riches that elude us in an exterior landscape that appears barren.

Winter is paradox. Evidence of storms and destruction loom on our television sets and in our communities. We hunker down in winter. Yet, there is also the time between storms when everything is more at rest than at any other time of year. You can hear your shoes shushing through snow if you are in snow country. You hear the sound of raindrops, but the normal chatter of birds, animals, and children are few and far between.

In climates like ours in California, we need winter. We don’t get much rain at other times of year, so even when it comes in over-abundance, we are grateful for the gift of provisions that will once again support us through what appear to be the more lush and vibrant seasons.

Internally, winter may cause us to feel depressed or focused on issues that we don’t necessarily ponder at other times during the year. But winter...this time of paradox...is a gift on many levels, for from the seeming empty, there is something developing under the soil, and so with us. Spring will bring the sprouts of our new planting, even though evidence in winter says otherwise. The paradox of winter is part of life’s mystery, and its complexity is essential to nature and to us.

Seasons of Interest

 

When I was younger, I loved to dance. In my twenties and early thirties, if I was not dancing every weekend, I thought something was radically wrong.Parties were fun, and I loved decorating, cooking, and doing all the things that went into making beautiful and imaginative large gatherings.

As I got older, I was more interested in meeting with friends in smaller groups, having an opportunity to talk about things that were more meaningful and gave us time to truly interact with one another rather than just having small talk in a large party setting.

At another age, I found myself no longer interested in entertaining. I appreciated going for a cup of coffee, or to a meeting. But parties and get togethers just for the sake of seeing people was no longer something I cared to do.

As I am in my early seventies now, I’ve found other changes in my interests and desires. My life is much less social and much more internally focused. Yet, as is my way, I note that just because this is how I am evolving, the rest of the world is doing its own thing in its own way, and all of it is good.

We tend to think that what we are doing is the thing everyone else ought to be doing or what they would enjoy, but it is decidedly not so. One man’s season of quiet is another’s passion for free form dancing or gliding or playing or social unrest, or any other form of expression that life offers.

We have our seasons of interests, and they change. And there is nothings right or wrong in that…merely an indication that our focus is otherwise engaged. And as we accept shifting interests in ourselves and others, we participate in allowing each person to express according to their own season, respecting our differences, and appreciating the diversity that is everywhere present in this magical exploration we call life.

God Is In Everything

 

A dear friend who is a minister was sharing her experience with homeless people recently, and it reminded me that more churches and individuals need to practice the teachings of being our ‘brother's keeper’, and it would be good to include the children in sharing ideas and things that could be done to help "the least of these among us". When we think of it, the homeless are a daily reminder of the opportunity to practice compassion and giving. And amongst them walks God.

I had two experiences at beloved Minerva Books where I worked that brought this very clearly home to me. One day a homeless man came in to the store. He was exhausted and asked if he could just sit down. We had nice overstuffed chairs and a fireplace that we used to have going in the winter, and as he sat there, we began to talk, and he came and sat next to me at the round table that was our counter, and I looked deeply into his eyes and saw that he was God. He was using a form that would go unrecognized...would even be shunned...and there was this glorious light and mind and Being. We hugged before he left and the rest of my day was filled with joy.

The second event happened late into the evening close to closing time on another day. A young man came in barefoot and freezing, and asked if he could just use the bathroom and if he could sit for a minute. He was shaking and cold, and I saw that his feet were almost frozen. I ran to our kitchen where we had hot water and got paper towels and a large bowl that I filled with very warm water. I sat him down in one of our rooms with the religious books from all traditions and bathed his feet. He cried and was so grateful, telling me he was trying to get to his sister's house, and just couldn't walk any further. One of our regular customers was in the store at the time, and he had a truck, so I asked him if he would take this fellow to the sister's house. He agreed, and put the young man in the back because he really did not smell very good...and he took him to the address and delivered him to his sister. He felt that this young man did not have long to live, and the story behind was probably a tragic one involving drugs, but we did our part that evening and showed up to give help to a stranger in need.

It isn’t always easy to reach beyond ourselves, but it is an opportunity we are given to practice the Presence of God. In the giving and sharing, it isn't what the intention of the one asking or needing is, it is the intention of the one who gives. That is all that matters. There may be charlatans out there, and there are, but the one who gives with a loving heart receives the blessing regardless. And when two or more are gathered in the name of Love, Compassion and Mercy, the world is made a better place.

Nurturing Nature

 

 

One morning as I was having my breakfast and listening to the news, the statement came over the air waves that we must fight global warming, and I thought, “here we go again”. The same attitude that got us in to this mess is the same one being touted as the way out, i.e. “fighting”.

The human species, and most often those in power, are hell bent on fighting against something. Their attitude is framed in opposition rather than collaboration, and we see again and again the results of this narrow frame of reference that always sets up a good guy and bad guy scenario.

In the case of nature, we were always fighting it in the past to tame it, to show our dominion of it, etc. etc. This attitude has finally put us into a deep adversarial position with the source of sustenance that provides for our life on the planet. As we continue the attitude of fighting, there is always a loser. Yet, when we nurture nature, everyone wins, and everyone is included in a process that honors and respects our earth, oceans, and the air we breathe.

Nurture is about inclusion, and about sharing. Fighting is about weaponry and alienation and dominating. That isn’t going to work anymore. We’ve done enough dominating of people, place, and things long enough – and all we’ve accomplished is to create hostile environments, rape of the land and resources, and treatment of our fellow human beings with enmity because their view or beliefs differ from ours. There is no nurture in this, and there is no quality of life with this attitude. So, it’s time to take a different approach.

Let’s band together to nurture nature. We can start in our own homes and gardens. We can ask ourselves if the way we use resources is helping our planet or hurting it, and we can recognize that we are co-creators with the earth in the process of housekeeping – or planet keeping. We are not here to show how much we can devour or take away from anyone else. We are here to exchange our views and abilities and to do the best we can to uphold a vision of life that celebrates everyone and everything in its God given purpose. None is better or worse – all are equally valuable and play different parts, regardless of appearance. So…let’s start nurturing and stop fighting. And while we’re doing that regarding our planet, let’s also include ourselves in the process and begin to love who and what we are as well. Novel idea, isn’t it?!