Seasons of the Soul

Holding the Charge

 

 

I received an e-mail from a friend who is now a seminary student at age forty, and finds that many old friends want to have her listen to them, but do not offer an opportunity for her to be heard. Oftentimes I find that those of us who are good listeners and do work to help others, attract people who want desperately to be heard. As much as they want to talk, many times they are not good at providing that same space for us. It is rare indeed when we find the perfect balance of giving and receiving within a relationship.

In addition to the example of the one who listens and the one who shares, there is another form of communication difficulty. When we share with others, a dynamic of interchange is developed. We spark each other and continue along lines of thought until one or the other of us might not truly understand what is being said. At this stage we can go no further. Our mental frameworks have come to the fork in the road where we think differently. It is very clear when we pay attention to clues. The other person just doesn't "get" what we are trying to say (or vice versa). Explaining doesn't really help. The dynamic of the interchange shifts, and the charge is lost. We have reached the level of depth to which we can go.

An example of this from my own experience is when I've been with a physicist who is explaining theories of life to me. I am able to follow and feel the excitement of what I'm hearing because it sparks me. I have a frame of reference for what he is saying. Then suddenly, I cannot follow the strand any longer. I am lost. And that is the end of what we can discuss, because I have lost the "charge" that makes the connection possible. Similarly, when I try to explain something to someone from my own level of knowledge, we come to a space where there is a feeling of “flying” together, or the recognition that we are not on the same wavelength.

The truth of interactions is that you can only go as far as the person with the least capacity for understanding can handle, because to go further is to lose them (or us). The spark is no longer present. That is why Jesus and the other great teachers always spoke one step below the capacity of their audience to understand. The purpose of communication is understanding and comprehension, not a show of one’s intellect.

It is important to recognize who we are interacting with and what our respective capacities are. We cannot make ourselves other than we are. Where do we have commonality? Where do we hit the blank stare phase? In order to find kindred souls, we have to search...going to a level that is comfortable for us and finding those who feel comfortable there as well.

We may need to piece together a bouquet of friends and acquaintances that represent different meaningful attributes to us. Very rarely can one person be all things that match another. The more we are able to "see," the more varied our bouquet of friends.

Expecting others to be all things to us (or the reverse) is a dangerous trap. We need to appreciate our areas of connection, and respect our differences. When we no longer expect others to be all things to us, and can accept theirs and our own limitations, we can have satisfying relationships that bring us the richness of what they do offer rather than disappointment in what they don’t. As we attune ourselves to who the other person is, we can hold the charge of connection that is mutually enriching and worthwhile.

Beholding Grace

 

All of us have areas in our lives where we are more vulnerable than others. One person has no issue with money, another worries constantly that they might not have enough. One person sees no issue with relationships, and another is forever feeling left out of the “happily ever after” scenario. Same with health and a myriad of other complex issues that invade our peace of mind with a continual reminder that things might not go well for us.

We don’t necessarily get to choose where our fears about not having come from, but we do have the ability to shift our reaction through consciously choosing a different response.

Years ago, I moved to a house where my significant other and I were going to live, and after a short period of time, he was diagnosed with a life threatening illness that caused him to be unemployed. During that time, my mother became very ill, and I was at her residence to help her when I spotted a window that seemed very heavy and I was afraid she might fall out if she tried to raise it. I saw what I thought were window stops and pulled the window up to lock it into position. However, what I had seen was actually a window release, and the heavy window frame came crashing down on my head, just missing my eye. It turned out that it caused a concussion, and because of that I was unable to work for a time. Without an income, I was concerned as to how we were going to pay bills and buy food. I had some savings, but did not want to use it unless absolutely necessary. I sat in my backyard and had a frank talk with God. “You have put these things in front of me, and I need your help financially in order to make it through. If you want us to eat beans, so be it, but I am not going to use the safety net in savings for this. It’s up to you what we will do.” I said this with full sincerity and no judgment. I was making a statement of fact and wasn’t doing this in a way that would be guilt inducting, but rather explaining what I was willing and unwilling to do about the situation. I then let it go, and went about my routine.

A wonderful friend we had met the year before who was a psychic from England came to visit the States to do readings, and he called to invite me to where he was staying for a visit. I told him I would bring lunch, and remember that I used the last of my cash on hand to buy the sandwiches. I recall thinking that this was the end of my funds, and let it go. My desire was to give something tasty to my friends with no intention of mentioning the financial situation. When I arrived and we were in the midst of our visit, my friend said that he had a strong feeling that I could use some financial infusion, and before I could answer, he said he had just sold a house and wanted to give me $3,000. He said he couldn’t give it to me until he went back to England, but had $300 in cash and wondered if that might be helpful. I was of course flabbergasted. I thanked him profusely and probably cried a little (this was many years ago), but the timing and the grace of that event was a major reminder that there is no order of difficulty for miracles. It is we who get in the way, and it is our task to overcome the fear of not having and simply state our needs, believing that our request will be answered in the most appropriate way.

I was told years before by my guidance that prayers not asked cannot be answered. I was also reminded once by guidance, “why should provisions be given before they are needed, save for the sake of the ego?” That was a show stopper, because it was true.

In relation to the story I related about the gift from my English friend (which I paid back in full at a later time when I had more money), there was a later incident during the same time period. My mother was in the hospital and my sweetheart was doing everything possible to overcome the cancer he had been diagnosed with. He still was unable to work, and I was spending my days going to my mother’s bedside as the prognosis for her wasn’t good. Once again, I was in the same financial state as I had been when I put out the prayer for help. I told God again of my needs and let it go. I had no idea where or how something would arrive, or even if….but I had faith that what was needed would be provided.

My aunt and uncle came to visit my mother in the hospital. It was apparent that she wasn’t going to be with us that much longer. Her stay in the hospital from onset of illness to her death was 7 months. She did not receive a conclusive diagnosis until very near the end, and by that time, it was too late to save her.

When my aunt arrived, she told me that she had concern that I could use some financial help. She told me that she had made a provision for me in her will, but that she felt it would be better to give it to me then. She gave me a check for several thousand dollars, and once again I was flabbergasted and deeply grateful. I was being looked after. There were provisions.

I have noted that where I do have issues, the ability to let go of my request for help is much more difficult. I tend to wonder if help will come, and that of course constricts the potential of my request. It was explained to me years ago that we have to look at prayers as seeds. If we plant a seed and continually dig it up to see if it is growing, we will thwart its growth. Same with prayer. If we pray for something, we have to let it germinate and do what it needs to do, trusting all along that a result will occur.

Birds of a Feather

 

 

This Spring , when you see geese heading home after the winter…flying along in V formation…you might consider what science has discovered as to why they fly that way.

 

As each bird flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in V formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.

When a goose falls out of formation it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go it alone…and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front.

When the head goose gets tired, it rotates back in the wing, and another goose flies point. Geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep their speed.

Finally…(and this is important), when a goose gets sick, or is wounded by gunshots, and falls out of formation, two other geese fall out with that goose and follow it down to lend help and protection. They stay with the fallen goose until it is able to fly or it dies, and only then do they launch out on their own, or with another formation to catch up with their group.

We can learn a lot from geese!

 

Regardless of Your Job, It’s What You Bring To It That Counts

 

 

I hear people grousing all the time: “I hate my job.” “I’m only working here because I need to make the money.” “This work is really beneath me.” On and on the litany of complaints continues, and all the time the opportunity of making a difference where one is planted is lost.

We hear about the need to follow your bliss, and that is very well and good for those of us who have a particular focus and avenue of exploration that appears to be our major interest…but for some people, that opportunity is not evident. When my daughter was teaching English in Japan years ago, she noted something that really startled her. Everyone who had a job behaved as though their job was important, that it was an honor to serve the customer, and the attitude projected was one of deep respect and appreciation for the work they were doing.

Recently, someone sent me an article about one of the speakers on the “How to be successful” circuits. He commented about the things that people would want to do and those things people would not want to do, like bricklaying. He treated it as though it were a distasteful and low level job that was the worst thing he could think of. Yet, I know people who LOVE bricklaying. The joy they get from making something beautiful out of bricks with precision and attention to detail is incredible. They are doing the work they love, and appreciating the results of their efforts.

In other instances, even if the so-called “job” is not necessarily what one would choose to do if they had no constrictions, the possibility of bringing who they are to that job can create a real difference to their fellow employees, to the people they serve, and to themselves. I have a few examples from real life observations.

One day I was driving in rush hour traffic and had to go on the toll bridge to get to my destination. As I approached the tollbooth, I noted that one line was much longer than others, and thought the people must not be paying attention, so I changed lanes to a less impacted line nearby. As I approached the tollbooth and rolled down the window, I heard the most joyous voice singing opera, and as I looked to see where the music was coming from, it was the booth of the lane that was so slow. The toll taker was singing opera, and the people who approached in their cars were smiling. I noted that he would make grand operatic gestures, and wave each car on its way, with the occupants grinning from ear to ear. That was an eye opener for me, and I understood why his line was so long. This man had made his job an opportunity to serenade people in their cars, cause them to smile, and take the opportunity to sing what he loved. Had he worked in an office, he probably would not have been able to do that.

Another time, I was driving on the highway, and up ahead was a garbage truck. However, this one had something different about it. On the sides were taped discarded stuffed animals – a snoopy dog’s ears flapping in the wind, a group of teddy bears bouncing along, and as I passed the driver, he was smiling and waved to me as I went by with a big smile on my own face. He took what someone thought was garbage and made them his ride along buddies – showing a sense of humor, and giving other drivers a chuckle. He was also showing that regardless of the work, it’s what you bring to it that counts.

My final story is of a teenager who has Down’s Syndrome named Jason. When he was given after-school employment at a local market as a bagger, the assistant manager took him around and showed him all the things he was expected to do. He told the teenager that it was important to always make the customers feel special, and left him to his duties. When the boy went home, he told his parents about his first day, and told them that he wanted to do his best to make the customers feel special. He had an idea. He would write a simple appreciative statement on a piece of paper that would be included in each bag as the shoppers left. So he set about thinking of what to say, and with the help of his parents, printed and cut out phrases that he signed. He kept the pieces of folded paper in his work apron, and when he bagged, he would place one in each bag, and tell the customers he hoped they had a wonderful day. Soon, the manager noted that the lines where Jason bagged were always much longer than the rest, and even when asked to move to another checkout stand, the shoppers said, “No thanks. We’d like to stay here and see Jason.”

This teenager had thought of ways to sincerely show respect to his customers and to leave them with different notes of appreciation that made a difference to them. Word got out about Jason, and the store’s business increased. People would patiently wait in his line, and even started talking to one another. Clerks and other employees noticed the difference in the way people reacted to them, and the store was soon humming with Jason’s spirit of wanting the best for his customers.

These stories make a point. One person whose attitude is positive and who makes the best of the job they are given can make a huge difference to everyone around them. We’ve all seen bridge toll takers who look totally bored. We’ve been to stores where clerks and baggers barely look at us, and most of us never pay attention to garbage trucks, save to get mad when they wake us up early in the morning. These three seemingly minimal jobs have big potential. Everything does. It’s just dependent on what we bring to what we do, and how we choose to express it.

Try looking at your own job through a different lens of perspective. See where you can bring the best of yourself to what you are doing, and observe how that affects everyone else around you. Most importantly, doing our work with appreciation, respect, and gratitude makes our lives more meaningful and less stressful, and as we focus on what we can do to make a positive difference, we are contributing to the creation of a better, more gracious world.

A Perfect Life

 

 

One day I received a call from a woman who was paralyzed. She had overcome cancer only to be faced with a debilitating illness that forced her to life in a wheelchair. She was barely able to dress herself. She told me that life was a daily challenge, but that she took the things that happened to her as a signal to go deeper and to understand more the blessings that were in her life. It wasn’t that she didn’t experience moments of despair...she did. But she realized that there was meaning to her life and that she must find the gift within the pain. She works now with others who are facing health challenges to inspire them.

When I got off the phone I looked at my own life, and thought about how many of us agonize over trivia. We make huge crises out of things that for this woman or for someone facing real distress are merely annoyances. We often lose sight of our lives as a blessing. Yet they are. And in our rush to have everything be perfect and right, we hold a rigid line between ourselves and anything that threatens our concept of that perfection. It is the Cinderella story playing itself again and again in our psyches - that somehow if we do everything the way we “should”, life will give us a prince or princess or whatever else we see as the ultimate fantasy goal, and then we will live happily ever after.

We are told through all religious precepts that life is a reflection: As Above, So Below, and this can also be looked at from a perspective of As Within, So Without, or visa versa. We live in a self-reflecting universe, and as seasons come and go and return again, so does life bring us a little summer, a touch of autumn, good and bad winters, and the blessed renewal of spring. We learn that life goes around, not straight ahead.

In our journey, we all want the “best” life has to offer, but sometimes what is for our greatest growth goes way beyond our comprehension of what that might be. The struggle to maintain a rigid ideal of what the “best” is can be limiting to our potential. We need to open ourselves to allowing life to be the teacher, and to follow its lead as open-minded students. What we are given is always an opportunity for growth...growth that is the most important kind...that of our soul.

Nothing is Wasted

 

 

Recently a friend told me about going to thrift shops and asking if there were any old bags of clothes that they couldn’t sell, because she wanted to gather the usable fabric and make patchwork designs for pillows, quilts, wall coverings and window treatments. I thought that was quite a novel idea. She said there were tons of clothes that the thrift shops throw away because they aren’t saleable, and they told her to help herself.

As I read an article about our needing to do what we loved, I thought of those remnants of material that most people would see as throwaways, but this friend saw as pieces that would create works of art.

Everything we do in our life has purpose. Nothing within our realm of experience has been wasted, and when we recognize that it isn’t always for the obvious reasons that we’ve done many of the things we’ve done, and look at our journey a little differently, we can craft of those scraps of experience new forms and possibilities. Only when we are stuck in limited thinking are we bound by the obvious. When we look to the subtleties within our lives, nothing is wasted. Things only need to be re-worked into different patterns to become a treasure! 