Seasons of the Soul

To Weed or Not To Weed

A few years ago as spring became summer, I was busy pulling weeds from my garden. And in so doing, I noted that plants which had been thriving when the weeds were present suddenly drooped and even died when the weeds were removed.  I was shocked! Yet, a weed is a weed is a weed, so I continued pulling them out.

 I noticed that a little avocado tree I’d transplanted from a pot was being buffeted by strong afternoon winds in its new location. I thought perhaps I’d planted it in the wrong place, but noted that it held its own in spite of the buffeting it took.            

One day, something new was growing on the wind side of the plant. I observed a group of weeds surrounding the avocado tree only on the wind side, and when the wind came up, it was protected by its new neighbors. As I watched other parts of my wildflower garden emerging, I noted that weeds  grew interspersed with flowers. And where the weeds were, the plants were thriving. This led me to believe that the plants and weeds have a symbiotic relationship to one another, but I wanted confirmation from a friend of mine who has very strong ties to earth, plants, and nature spirits. Her name is Penny Kelly, and she wrote The Elves of Lily Hill Farm. Her story is pretty remarkable, as she encountered nature spirits who helped her grow incredible grape vineyards and more…but that’s another story.

Penny responded with the following: “Your observation about weeds having a symbiotic relationship with other plants is pretty astute. They do! They not only provide shade and windblock, the root mass of each plant puts out both oils (every plant makes its own oils) and plant-specific "humic acids" which it uses to dissolve minerals out of the soil, then uptake those minerals to build more plant structure. Lots of weeds put out acids and oils that nearby plants can also use, which makes the whole bunch of them healthier. Weeds also are specialists at utilizing certain elements in the soil. EG. Dandelions are magnesium hogs. So dandelions grow abundantly wherever there is too much magnesium in the soil. They uptake the extra magnesium and help balance the soil. Pull the dandelion and your soil remains unbalanced. The result is that other plants that do not grow as well in magnesium-heavy soils will not do as well. All weeds perform this kind of service/function. Another example, if you plant potatoes where you had your corn last year, the potatoes will not have any scab because the corn leaves certain chemical factors in the soil that are quite beneficial to potatoes.”

I no longer feel it is necessary to pull weeds. Unless they are violating walking space or overcrowding an area, I leave them alone. We’ve been sold such a bill of goods about using herbicides, insecticides, and all the other chemical products that merely keep nature from doing its work for the sake of some visual idea of “beauty”. What can be more wonderful than nature at work, doing the job her Creator intended? I have a totally different relationship to “weeds” in the garden now, and I’m also transferring that understanding to what I think of as weeds in my life.

What is a weed?
A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered!
           ~Ralph Waldo Emerson              

God's $20 Bill

A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill.  In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this?"

Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this."  He proceeded to crumple the  bill up.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"  Still the hands were up in the air.  "Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"  And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.  No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.  It was still worth $20. 

“Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way.  We may feel as though we are worthless.  But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God's eyes."

Whether dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless!

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do, but in who we are.

~Author unknown

The Wilderness Experience

Sometimes we use God as our sounding board and we feel God's comfort and grace moving in our life. This reassures us as to our path and position. However, regardless of our religious views, there is a story about Jesus going into the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights...completely alone, completely devoid of the "guidance" that was the light of his life. This stage of aloneness is one we all have to go through.

There comes a time for each of us when we lose that connection to "home" in order that we take a look at our lives either to affirm our decisions or to see the starkness of our choices.

Think of it this way...if we were in some crummy summer camp where the food was awful, but we received daily "Care" packages from home containing our favorite foods, warm letters, and other goodies that made us feel cozy, camp would not seem so bad. However, if suddenly the packages stopped coming, and the connection to warmth was gone...we would have to pay attention to our surroundings. We would have to see what was really in front of us because there was nothing else to cushion the stark reality of life in that camp.

When we hit this phase...the wilderness phase...it is a gift to us. Because our connection to God seems gone or very dim, we have to take a look at what our choices have created in our lives. It is at this point that we have an opportunity to clear our view and to make determinations about WHERE we want to go in the future. It doesn't mean we have the answers in the moment. It means that through the confusion and disillusionment of where we have arrived, we are in a position to change our lives. We are ready for the Hero's Journey.

It is so easy to follow a track...a belief system about how we have to proceed. If there has been deep wounding in our life at an emotional level, we may want to consider some quality counseling as part of our hero's journey. Sometimes we have to go through the release of trauma before we can fully go forward.

We may find ourselves at a point where we want to change our entire life. And that can be scary, yet it can also be liberating. Perhaps we will find that everything we have done has been to fulfill someone else's idea of what we should do, be, and accomplish. Now through this "wilderness" experience, we are suddenly aware that throughout our journey, there was someone we left out of the quotient...ourselves!

The wilderness experience is a time of great opportunity. It is a crossroads where we have the opportunity to choose an authentic life that will more closely reflect our deep inner dreams and longing. We must not be afraid to take the steps that will allow us to release the shackles to the past, or to a life path that no longer fits or satisfies us. We are all asked to make corrections from time to time within our lives. That is the beauty of life. It is not set in stone. It is fluid, and gives us opportunity after opportunity to choose the stream we wish to follow. And sometimes that stream changes as we grow in maturity.

From Seasons of the Soul print edition, Summer 1999

The Emperor's New Clothes

It has troubled me in recent years to watch the lens of acceptability narrow to a point where most of the population is excluded. In this article, I want to target the weight issue facing our country.

First we had the thinning of America through target models who represent approximately 2% of the population. The impossibility for most people to fit into this standard of acceptability has been documented in studies of Anorexia and Bulimia. Recently, our neurosis as a nation was exported to the Fiji Islands through satellite television. The normally happy teenage population whose body type is plump by our standards suddenly developed eating disorders as the girls tried desperately to fit into the model of acceptability shown on television!

The other day on PBS radio, I heard a discussion between physicians regarding the inescapable findings that there is more obesity in the United States now than ever before. They are at a loss to understand what is causing the excess weight. Hormones in food was cited as a possibility, but I didn't hear the whole program, so don't know if they touched on the psychological factor.

When you feel that you cannot possibly meet a standard required for being "in", what are your options? Oftentimes a person will give up and move in the opposite direction or go on crash diets that cause major imbalances in the metabolism. The psyche is wounded by an impossible standard that is actually abnormal. Yet, because society dictates it as the way to be, many women feel they lack character because they cannot fit into size 2 or 4 clothing!
 
I woke up one morning and thought about how we have allowed ourselves to be duped by advertisers and some perverted view cooked up in a Madison Avenue office about what we should and should not look like, what our age should be, how we should dress, what cars we should drive, how much money we should make, etc. etc. And I looked at the television set and thought..."Who is in there?"
 
Why do we give that box so much power? It is nobody. It is a box. And the same goes for a magazine, or newspaper or the Internet. They are pieces of paper with ink on them or technological transferences of information. Yet we have given them the power to sway our views and determine our status in life. Vehicles of information have become propaganda machines. We are being brainwashed as a nation...and unfortunately now that we have satellite TV and the Internet...as a world.
 
I have one daughter who is naturally thin. Yet she will be hard on herself if she gains a few pounds. She is a size 6, for heaven's sake! Her sister has a different body type. She is not naturally that size, and has had eating disorders throughout most of her life in an attempt to fit that model of acceptability.
 
As I talked to the older one (size 6) and mentioned that we are molding our belief systems to adhere to someone else’s concept of what is attractive, I realized that we are playing out the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. If you recall, the Emperor was persuaded by a silver-tongued tailor that he had an outstanding new wardrobe when in fact he was wearing nothing. Not wanting to appear stupid, he agreed with the tailor about his stylish new clothes. His subjects all followed suit, and affirmed the magnificence of his new outfits until a child, in his innocence, cried out that the emperor had nothing on. When you really look at pictures of the models who represent the new desired look, they are barely beyond the hauntingly gaunt pictures of survivors from concentration camps after WWII. This is desirable?? By whose standard? By what measure? Where is the little child amongst us who shouts out that they look unhealthy?
 
As we let ourselves be molded by a jaded idea of beauty or acceptability, we are falling into a trap of becoming mindless followers. Whether  the issue is weight, or age, our gender, or our work, we need to stand up and say "NO" to an external imposition of what is right for us.
 
We need to champion who we are, what we do, and how WE view life. We need to be authentic and recharge ourselves with the knowledge that we are part of a beautiful bouquet of diversity in the life plan. We are not all the same for a reason. What a dull world this would be without differences.

If we believe in the perfection of a Supreme Being, how can we ever allow Madison Avenue’s criteria for beauty and acceptability to supersede the code of The One who created us?     

From Seasons of the Soul print edition, Summer 1999

Holding the Charge

 
I received an e-mail from a friend who is now a seminary student at age forty, and finds that many old friends want to have her listen to them, but do not offer an opportunity for her to be heard.  Oftentimes I find that those of us who are good listeners and do work to help others attract people who want desperately to be heard. As much as they want to talk, many times they are not good at providing that same space for us. It is rare indeed when we find the perfect balance of giving and receiving within a relationship.

In addition to the example of the one who listens and the one who shares, there is another form of communication difficulty. When we share with others, a dynamic of interchange is developed. We spark each other and continue along lines of thought until one or the other of us might not truly understand what is being said. At this stage we can go no further. Our mental frameworks have come to the fork in the road where we think differently. It is very clear when we pay attention to clues. The other person just doesn't "get" what we are trying to say (or vice versa). Explaining doesn't really help. The dynamic of the interchange shifts, and the charge is lost. We have reached the level of depth to which we can go.

An example of this from my own experience is when I've been with a physicist who is explaining theories of life to me. I am able to follow and feel the excitement of what I'm hearing because it sparks me. I have a frame of reference for what he is saying. Then suddenly, I cannot follow the strand any longer. I am lost. And that is the end of what we can discuss, because I have lost the "charge" that makes the connection possible. Similarly, when I try to explain something to someone from my own level of knowledge, we come to a space where there is a feeling of “flying” together, or the recognition that we are not on the same wavelength.

The truth of interactions is that you can only go as far as the person with the least capacity for understanding can handle, because to go further is to lose them (or us). The spark is no longer present. That is why Jesus and the other great teachers always spoke one step below the capacity of their audience to understand. The purpose of communication is understanding and comprehension, not a show of one’s intellect.

 It is important to recognize who we are interacting with and what our respective capacities are.  We cannot make ourselves other than we are.  Where do we have commonality? Where do we hit the blank stare phase? In order to find kindred souls, we have to search...going to a level that is comfortable for us and finding those who feel comfortable there as well.

We may need to piece together a bouquet of friends and acquaintances that represent different meaningful attributes to us. Very rarely can one person be all things that match another. The more we are able to "see," the more varied our bouquet of friends.

Expecting others to be all things to us (or the reverse) is a dangerous trap. We need to appreciate our areas of connection, and respect our differences. When we no longer expect others to be all things to us, and can accept theirs and our own limitations, we can have satisfying relationships that bring us the richness of what they do offer rather than disappointment in what they don’t. As we attune ourselves to who the other person is, we can hold the charge of connection that is mutually enriching and worthwhile.

From Seasons of the Soul print edition, Summer 1999

Sunday Funnies

 
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any  mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
 
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
 
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher  raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face  and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
 
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older  brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!"

"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"

~Humorist Unknown

Does What We Say Match What We Do?

If I profess to be a writer and do not write, I am a fraud. If I write without discipline, I am not a writer, I am a dabbler. Whatever we profess to do, let us do it with gusto and with our full spirit of engagement. Otherwise, it is merely a pastime.
 
I play computer games. I love hidden object games that require that I look closely to see what is being asked for and where it is hiding. This pleases me as I am also someone who lives through observation. I gain insight through observing life and reactions and actions, and from these, ideas are born that later can be channeled into a written work that might have some meaning. Yet, in reading about writers in Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul, Ernest Hemmingway said that if you are a writer, you have to treat it like a profession and you need to write at least one hour a day, regardless of what you write. If it's worthless, you can throw it away, but at the end of 365 days, you have 365 pages, and that can translate into a book. The key is to be consistent, and for those of us who wait for the muse to strike, this is good advice.

It's like The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron's book for artists of all stripes. She has us do a 3 pages a day project for 12 weeks during which we write whatever comes to mind on three pages, but do not read it until the 12 weeks is done. It was that exercise that prompted me to write my novel, Vision of the Grail, years ago.  In recent years, I've avoided doing things that are daily and disciplined other than games, and my writing life has suffered. As a writer, without writing, there is an emptiness and sense of being diminished because everything is stuck inside, and writing is a wonderful and cathartic way of releasing what is held within.
 
So...when we feel at odds or frustrated, we have to take a look at what we are NOT doing that wants to be done. What do we say we are, and how does our description match reality? No judgment here...just an opportunity to make sure our statements are congruent with reality. 

From Seasons of the Soul print edition, Spring 2011

What If?

Recently I woke up and had a different thought than usual. Instead of thinking about the day ahead with apprehension, I suddenly stated internally, "What if there was nothing to fear?" The concept left me in a state of neutrality and wonder. It was a question that searched for a possibility, and rather than defending an old position, my subconscious was curious.
 
We have all heard about the power of affirmations, and they are indeed useful. However, I have noted as many other people have, that when you make a flat footed statement about something being a particular way, something inside will respond with a challenging "Oh, you think so???" It causes a defensive stance that blocks possibility and defies any statement to the contrary. So when this thought entered my head the other morning of "what if?", I was very surprised that there was no counter thought. It was as though some brain cells were being nudged and awakening to see if what I suggested could possibly be.
 
Beyond the "what if there was nothing to fear?" statement, another entered. "What if there was nothing to worry about?" That one calmed me deeply. Just think...what if. Ahhhh. I've since used that approach with other things and in sharing it with other people the reaction has been universal. Everyone felt the difference inside when they used that wording.
 
Many people have noted when doing affirmations that they feel like a fraud. The "What if" method takes all of that away because we aren't attacking long held beliefs, we are asking our psyche's to just entertain the possibility of a different course of action or thought, and psyche actually appreciates a challenge to find new ways of doing things. On top of that, it refreshes the brain cells. I've noted since doing this that I feel more energetic and my mind feels renewed and expectant. I used this approach when I had to be at the dentist for 2 hours to have a decaying tooth drilled down for a crown, and I was calm throughout. "What if there is nothing to fear?" made me feel safe and curious about the whole procedure. The old dread was replaced with a youthful attitude of what might be possible.

From Seasons of the Soul print edition, Spring 2011

Regardless of Your Job, It's What You Bring to It That Counts

I hear people grousing all the time: “I hate my job.” “I’m only working here because I need to make the money.” “This work is really beneath me.” On and on the litany of complaints continues, and all the time the opportunity of making a difference where one is planted is lost.

We hear about the need to follow your bliss, and that is very well and good for those of us who have a particular focus and avenue of exploration that appears to be our major interest…but for some people, that opportunity is not evident. When my daughter was teaching English in Japan years ago, she noted something that really startled her. Everyone who had a job behaved as though their job was important, that it was an honor to serve the customer, and the attitude projected was one of deep respect and appreciation for the work they were doing.

Recently, someone sent me an article about one of the speakers on the “How to be successful” circuits. He commented about the things that people would want to do and those things people would not want to do, like bricklaying. He treated it as though it were a distasteful and low level job that was the worst thing he could think of. Yet, I know people who LOVE bricklaying. The joy they get from making something beautiful out of bricks with precision and attention to detail is incredible. They are doing the work they love, and appreciating the results of their efforts.

In other instances, even if the so-called “job” is not necessarily what one would choose to do if they had no constrictions, the possibility of bringing who they are to that job can create a real difference to their fellow employees, to the people they serve, and to themselves. I have a few examples from real life observations.

One day I was driving in rush hour traffic and had to go on the toll bridge to get to my destination. As I approached the tollbooth, I noted that one line was much longer than others, and thought the people must not be paying attention, so I changed lanes to a less impacted line nearby. As I approached the tollbooth and rolled down the window, I heard the most joyous voice singing opera, and as I looked to see where the music was coming from, it was the booth of the lane that was so slow. The toll taker was singing opera, and the people who approached in their cars were smiling. I noted that he would make grand operatic gestures, and wave each car on its way, with the occupants grinning from ear to ear. That was an eye opener for me, and I understood why his line was so long. This man had made his job an opportunity to serenade people in their cars, cause them to smile, and take the opportunity to sing what he loved. Had he worked in an office, he probably would not have been able to do that.

Another time, I was driving on the highway, and up ahead was a garbage truck. However, this one had something different about it. On the sides were taped discarded stuffed animals – a snoopy dog’s ears flapping in the wind, a group of teddy bears bouncing along, and as I passed the driver, he was smiling and waved to me as I went by with a big smile on my own face. He took what someone thought was garbage and made them his ride along buddies – showing a sense of humor, and giving other drivers a chuckle. He was also showing that regardless of the work, it’s what you bring to it that counts.

My final story is of a teenager who has Down’s Syndrome named Jason. When he was given after-school employment at a local market as a bagger, the assistant manager took him around and showed him all the things he was expected to do. He told the teenager that it was important to always make the customers feel special, and left him to his duties. When the boy went home, he told his parents about his first day, and told them that he wanted to do his best to make the customers feel special. He had an idea. He would write a simple appreciative statement on a piece of paper that would be included in each bag as the shoppers left. So he set about thinking of what to say, and with the help of his parents, printed and cut out phrases that he signed. He kept the pieces of folded paper in his work apron, and when he bagged, he would place one in each bag, and tell the customers he hoped they had a wonderful day. Soon, the manager noted that the lines where Jason bagged were always much longer than the rest, and even when asked to move to another checkout stand,  the shoppers said, “No thanks. We’d like to stay here and see Jason.”

This teenager had thought of ways to sincerely show respect to his customers and to leave them with different notes of appreciation that made a difference to them. Word got out about Jason, and the store’s business increased. People would patiently wait in his line, and even started talking to one another. Clerks and other employees noticed the difference in the way people reacted to them, and the store was soon humming with Jason’s spirit of wanting the best for his customers.

These stories make a point. One person whose attitude is positive and who makes the best of the job they are given can make a huge difference to everyone around them. We’ve all seen bridge toll takers who look totally bored. We’ve been to stores where clerks and baggers barely look at us, and most of us never pay attention to garbage trucks, save to get mad when they wake us up early in the morning. These three seemingly minimal jobs have big potential. Everything does. It’s just dependent on what we bring to what we do, and how we choose to express it.

Try looking at your own job through a different lens of perspective. See where you can bring the best of yourself to what you are doing, and observe how that affects everyone else around you. Most importantly, doing our work with appreciation, respect, and gratitude makes our lives more meaningful and less stressful, and as we focus on what we can do to make a positive difference, we are contributing to the creation of a better, more gracious world.

From Seasons of the Soul print edition Spring 2009

Food for Thought

Oh Great Spirit, guide my thinking today. Let me walk in a sacred way on the road of life. Let me be a learner of lessons and give me Your greatest gift - wisdom!
~Author Unknown
 
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished. --Lao Tzu
 
The answer lies within ourselves. If we can't find peace and happiness there, it's not going to come from the outside. --Tenzin Palmo
  
Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbor is a spiritual one.                            --Nikolai Berdyaev
 
I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
--Maya Angelou  
                                  
Change your language and you change your thoughts. --Karl Albrecht