Seasons of the Soul

How to Get Along In Life

 

 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't

matter and those who matter don't mind."

~Dr. Seuss

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using
the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of
your word in the direction of truth and love.



2. Don't Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection
of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and
actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

 

3. Don't Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings,
sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform
your life.



4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different
when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your
best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. 

 —From The Four Agreements  by Don Miguel Ruiz

 

Layers and Layers of Paint

  “I think we ought to strip the cabinets.” My sweetie was looking at the thick layers of paint on kitchen cabinets that had been repeatedly painted over the years, and discussing what our options were now that it was once again time to paint.

   “Oh, no…don’t go to all that trouble,” I countered. “Let’s just make this kind of a funky kitchen and paint some interesting colors.”

   He shook his head. “Nope. I want to see what is underneath all this buildup of paint.” I sighed, knowing that once he’d made up his mind, nothing was going to stop him. “Well, go ahead if you want…but it’s going to be a lot of work.”

   He took the cabinets into the garage and put paint stripper on each of them. I heard him sanding them, and soon he was in the house with a big smile on his face. “Come look at what I found.” Surely, it was going to be marginal at best. But as I walked up to what had been heavily painted cabinet doors, there in their place were beautiful wooden doors that had intricate wood grain – absolutely gorgeous. And all this time, they had been covered over with layer upon layer of paint – hiding the natural beauty that was underneath, waiting to be freed! If we’d had more money, we’d probably have thrown the old cabinets out. But because we had a limited budget, and because of his tenacity, we found something that was much nicer than anything new we could have bought.
  
   Of course, that got me thinking about us humans. How many layers of “paint” have we got covering the exquisite natural beauty of who we really are under all the years of encrusted experiences, disappointment, and other residue that has created a buildup that dims our inherent light? And how often do we just paint more on top of what is there rather than stripping away the old and bringing ourselves back to our true essence? It seems so much easier in the moment just to cover over whatever isn’t working, but in the long run, we are left with a shadow of our real selves.

   Now that I’ve seen the miracle of stripping the cabinets, I’m looking to see where there is residue and layers of old stuff that is hiding my inner light. How about you? Is your true beauty shining through?

No Age Should Be Dismissed

As I looked into the mirror, the unmistakable signs of aging were evident. Being over 60 was a reminder. The clock was ticking, and the direction was toward old age. As I thought of the many extreme makeover shows so popular on television, it dawned on me that as much as my skin was sagging, my spirit was soaring. On the outside I showed signs of wear and tear, but it was an indicator of a life lived. And I thought of our throw away culture. Women over 40 have few roles available in the movies. Most are banished from television when they are no longer cute to look at. In the Bay Area, we have one station that allows the older newscasters to have a show in the morning on weekends – when most people aren’t watching.

What is so interesting about this dichotomy of youth/age is that in our early years we are filled with curiosity about the world around us and about ourselves. We are discovering things all the time as we grow and develop. We go through the awkward stage of adolescence and then pass into the phase of nest and career building. Our efforts are directed outward and to procreating our species. It is only after the headlong rush into life that we take time as older age approaches to ask the relevant questions about life that are deepening and soul enhancing. We have to come to the point of having enough experience to strip away our own veneer – to be willing to see ourselves from a lifelong perspective. Our American preoccupation with facelifts and body makeovers and flaunting a tinsel image of sexuality is actually laughable. It is adolescence on a rampage. We are besieged by shows filled with violence and disrespect….an homage to testosterone.

This past week I have been baby sitting my daughter’s kitten. She and her husband went to New York for five days, and we took care of her “baby”. As the week progressed, the bond between my grand-kitty and I increased. She was adorable and in to everything. I had to watch constantly to make sure no one would open a door to the outdoors without making sure she did not get out. Scooting here and there, she was inquisitive and investigative. Her moments of calm and loving were slim. Everything was action oriented. The kids came home yesterday and took their precious treasure away. It was quieter without the kitty, and we missed her amusing antics. However, in thinking about her, I was reminded of another cat years ago who came to visit the bookstore I worked at and loved.

Minerva Books was located in an old house next to a residential section, and the visiting kitty was an elder who was close to the end of its life. This very old orange cat would come to visit and sit on our porch where she could bask in the full glory of sun without the noise of cars or the rush of wind bothering her slumber. We used to look at her as she sat, seemingly so grateful for the rays of sunshine beaming down on her frail body. And there was a certain repose in her countenance – a dignity of age. This memory juxtaposed with the rampaging curiosity of the kitten brought home again the specialness of each age: None better or worse – each having its own gift. The young cat wanted to play. The old cat was grateful for a pat or a comment. The little one had no time to be still, and the old cat had all the time in the world. She was moving into the twilight of her life, filled with memories that sustained her, while the little kitten was busy making them.

And this brings me back to us. We are precious and wonderful and filled with possibility at every stage of life. To make one stage desirable and the rest dismissed is to deny the fullness of life. When we only look at surface images to determine what is acceptable and what is not, we miss the opportunity to enlarge our sphere of influence and depth because we see anything not conforming to the “image” as meaningless. Yet, in creation, there is nothing that is meaningless.

In the interweaving of life, every element is dependent and supportive of every other element. We are mistaken when we think we can interfere with one aspect of life and there will be no consequences to the rest of life – because we are intricately linked to one another. So too, with age. We take part in it all. No age should be dismissed.

From Seasons of the Soul print edition

Neighborhood Watch

We have a Neighborhood Watch program in our neighborhood and as a result, we’ve met many of the people who live on our block. We know who the retired people are, where those with children live, and who are the handy people and health care professionals in case of emergency.

After Hurricane Katrina it became evident that we must all develop greater self-reliance. Buying extra food and water and having a plan of action in case of emergency is important. However, it is also a good  idea to include a neighborhood plan in case we are cut off for a period of time from outside help. This would include ways we can assist one another or perhaps pool resources—having a mini-community plan to help if and when it is needed. 

Neighborhood Watch groups are an excellent way to open doors to meeting one another. It is also a good way of providing a sense of community and security regardless of disaster or not. It’s good to know that the people who live on the same street or in the same apartment building have a mutual concern about the wellbeing of each other and that we can contact one another in case of emergency or just to be a good neighbor.

Quotable Quotes

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.
~Anonymous

 

The web of life is woven with dewdrops of grace;
our challenge is to recognize them.
~K.J.

 

He is a man of  sense who does not grieve for what he has not,                                                             but rejoices in what he has.    ~Epictetus

Planting Tomatoes in the Fall

We were in the market, commenting about great tomatoes and how hard it was for us to grow them. The grocer told us his secret for perfect tomatoes. He takes a ripe tomato that he likes such as Heirloom and chooses a full sun area, then drops it into a hole in the ground just as nature would. He works the ground with chicken manure  and cuts out the bottom of a gallon milk or water plastic container and positions that over the planted tomato. This protects it through the winter from frost. In the spring when the vines grow, he digs the plant out and makes a deeper hole. He puts up to half of the plant underground, including the leaves. This creates a strong stalk and then he waters and feeds it, and has the best tomatoes ever as a result. No cage, not pots, no seeds. Just your favorite tomato plopped in the soil. Of course, we don't live in snow country, so I'm not sure how it would work there, but for those of us in more temperate climates, it's supposedly not only doable, but a winner!

Raking Leaves

I love autumn, and we’ve had glorious days when the light is just right and makes everything look magical to my eyes—like a veil parting between worlds. It’s the transforming time of harvest and leaves falling, preparing for the next stage to come.

I was raking leaves the other day, tidying the front of my house, and was aware of the futile exercise it appears to be. One good wind and there are that many more leaves to sweep, but for the moment after I’ve finished, everything looks “just right.” It dawned on me that those “just right” moments are ephemeral. They cannot be grasped or clutched, because within a few moments they are gone. Change is the only permanence—paradoxical in definition—but true.

I was reminded of the Zen teacher whose early training showed her this example in action. She was a fine crafts person and wanted to build a beautiful altar for the monastery where she studied, as they had none. Her teacher told her it was not necessary, but she insisted. Smiling, the head monk consented to her plan, and so she built a stunning altar with love and care. On the day of presentation when she gave her gift to the monastery, all smiled, bowed, and thanked her. Then the head monk tapped her on the shoulder and told her to tear it down. She was shocked, but he smiled again. “Everything is impermanence”. She had insisted on doing what was not necessary, and in the act of doing, she derived joy. When done, it was time to let go of her offering. It had been viewed, appreciated, and released because an altar was not needed.

The monks of Tibet create beautiful Mandalas from colored sand. They are intricate and wondrous to view. Years ago, they came to San Francisco and created one over a series of weeks at the local museum. One day a woman who was mentally imbalanced jumped on the mandala and ruined it. People gasped in horror as she did this, but the monks merely smiled as she proved once again that nothing is permanent.

We cannot do for the sake of permanence, but rather through our joy in creating or delight in an activity. I cannot rake leaves with an expectation that once done, always done. It is a process that I engage in over and over again. My delight is in the raking and sweeping and in the momentary illusion of neatness. Then the winds come, the leaves fall, and my garden is once again changed. Chaos and order. From one the other follows, just as the seasons go round and round.

Change is the only permanence.

The Unwelcome Guests

One evening I found myself embroiled in negative thinking. My thoughts were berating me for some personal lack, and  as I felt more and more depressed,  I was aware that these intruders were very disruptive. They were condemning, critical, judgmental, and downright rude. As I turned to view them, I entered into mental dialogue. “Who are you? You certainly do not wish me well, and are obviously not a ‘friend’...so why am I even entertaining you at all??? The critical thoughts became very quiet, and I determined that I did not want THAT voice to be allowed in my space.

In looking at how negative thoughts even come to mind, I recognized how many times I’ve allowed them  to intrude themselves into my thinking patterns without even questioning them, especially when I have been tired or vulnerable. Yet, if this were a person...someone who “dropped over” and began citing my flaws, critiquing my abilities, and pointing to my failures, would I welcome them, invite them to stay, or offer them a meal? I don’t think so! Yet, in my own mind, it’s open season!  I often allow unwelcome guests to present their litany of charges against me, and think nothing of it.

In visualizing this scenario, I looked at how many types of unwelcome guests crowd into my thinking periodically, and how it’s time to shut the door on them. Just as I’ve needed to learn discernment about who and what I spend time with in the external world, I need to do the same with my inner world. The quality of my thoughts reflects in my actions, my attitude, and my sense of well-being. If I want the best from life, I have to be more pro-active about the quality of my internal guests, for as I am, there will be more harmony in my mental “home.”

As I do Fall cleaning, getting ready for winter, it’s time to reorganize my guest list. I think I’ll invite compassion, humor, encouragement, appreciation, affection, playfulness, and wisdom to visit. There may be more, but it’s a good start.

If you have any uninvited guests in your “home,” I encourage you to join me in taking a look at the unwelcome guests who intrude in your thoughts and to make out a new guest list as well. It will be interesting to see just what kind of possibilities present themselves when we change the quality of the thoughts we entertain.

Nourishing the Soil Within and Without

In an effort to add more color to my patio, I planted a flat of Impatience in the surrounding flower beds, and then put the extra flowers into pots. Through the months I watered them both about the same, and recently noticed something very interesting. The Impatience in the pots are doing splendidly well—huge leaves, large flowers—very spry. The plants in the ground, however, are not doing well. They have small leaves and tiny flowers, barely having grown since they were planted. If they aren’t watered daily, they start to shrivel up. I realized  that the difference was what I planted them in. The soil in the flower beds hasn’t been reworked in many, many years. Yet the soil in the pots was from my mulch pile—where I constantly renew the soil with fresh remnants from table scraps and vegetable trimmings. THAT soil is teeming with life and vibrant nutrients, whereas the flower beds have been just left to fend for themselves because they are “there” and should just be fine without any effort on my part. After all, dirt is dirt!

I realized that just because the form of something is seemingly okay doesn’t make it so. I saw the correlation between the body and the soil in the flower beds. The body is our container, but unless we feed it vital vibrant nutrients, it will begin to whither and shrivel prematurely. Same with our minds. Unless we feed it with rich and nourishing ideas, we leave it fallow, and atrophy sets in. We have to work the soil of our mind and body for optimum results. 

I went out and bought a workbook on Conversational Spanish, and a few other books related to new thought in science so that I’d increase the nutrient quality of my mind. And then I got plenty of raw vegetables and began juicing them so that I’d do for my body what I’m doing for the mulch pile—insuring that I’m paying attention to the nourishment, care and feeding of this flower pot called me.

I’m going to get a load of rich soil and rework the flowerbeds in the patio garden, too. It’s long overdue. And then when I plant flowers in the spring, I know they’ll be vibrant and healthy. If I do the same thing for my body and mind, I ought to see a flowering of my energy level and increase in ideas. It’s worth a try!

Harvest the Season

Autumn is here. Leaves turn brilliant shades and hues and by season’s end fall to the ground. Warm colors of rust and orange and brown replace the bright green of summer. In autumn, the growing cycle has been accomplished. Now it is time to bring in the sheaves—to gather the resources, and clear out and clean up the excess. Autumn gives us a marvelous opportunity to reflect upon the works of the year, go through our closets, and eliminate what takes up extra space. 

Soon the inward months come. But for now, it’s time to rake up leaves, stock our shelves, and enjoy the brisk weather and opportunities this season provides. Internally, we can distil, digest, and bring aspects we’ve been pondering throughout the year to fruition. It’s time for us to harvest our good—to embrace the season with gratitude and thanksgiving, and enjoy it in all its autumnal splendor.