Seasons of the Soul

Justice

In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, they are placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual.

Then each person in the tribe, regardless of age, begins to talk out loud to the accused, one at a time, about all the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in their lifetime.

Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy is recounted. All the positive attributes, good deeds, strengths and kindnesses are recited carefully and at length. No one is permitted to fabricate, exaggerate or be facetious about the person’s accomplishments or the positive aspects of their personality.

The tribal ceremony often lasts several days and does not cease until everyone is drained of every positive comment they can muster about the person in question.

At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe.

From Seasons of the Soul 1999

Secret to plastic wrap and aluminum foil containers

I received an e-mail yesterday that was a shock to my system. I have been on this planet for many years, but did NOT know that the rolls of plastic wrap and aluminum foil that I buy have a secret, and after I read the e-mail and checked out my own rolls of said products, was amazed to see that it is true!

Have you battled with your plastic wrap or foil, only to have it fall out of the container? I have done battle with both many times, been frustrated, cursed, and had the container fall apart on me. Well, to my great amazement...on each end of the container are little symbols with the instructions to "push tab". When you do, little tabs are inserted into the roll on either side so that it will not fall out. EGAD!! REVELATION!!!

In all the marketing hype that companies do for their products, this one very valuable piece of information has been overlooked. In sending the e-mail to others, I received responses that most of them had also never known about this. So, if you are one of us who have somehow missed this important part of our education, go check out your plastic wrap and aluminum foil, and liberate yourself from the food wrap wars!

The Emperor's New Clothes

It has troubled me in recent years to watch the lens of acceptability narrow to a point where most of the population is excluded. In this article, I want to target the weight issue facing our country.

First we had the thinning of America through target models who represent approximately 2% of the population. The impossibility for most people to fit into this standard of acceptability has been documented in studies of Anorexia and Bulimia. Recently, our neurosis as a nation was exported to the Fiji Islands through satellite television. The normally happy teenage population whose body type is plump by our standards suddenly developed eating disorders as the girls tried desperately to fit into the model of acceptability shown on television!

The other day on PBS radio, I heard a discussion between physicians regarding the inescapable findings that there is more obesity in the United States now than ever before. They are at a loss to understand what is causing the excess weight. Hormones in food was cited as a possibility, but I didn't hear the whole program, so don't know if they touched on the psychological factor.

When you feel that you cannot possibly meet a standard required for being "in", what are your options? Oftentimes a person will give up and move in the opposite direction or go on crash diets that cause major imbalances in the metabolism. The psyche is wounded by an impossible standard that is actually abnormal. Yet, because society dictates it as the way to be, many women feel they lack character because they cannot fit into size 4 or 6 clothing!

I woke up one morning and thought about how we have allowed ourselves to be duped by advertisers and some perverted view cooked up in a Madison Avenue office about what we should and should not look like, what our age should be, how we should dress, what cars we should drive, how much money we should make, etc. etc. And I looked at the television set and thought..."Who is in there?"

Why do we give that box so much power? It is nobody. It is a box. And the same goes for a magazine, or newspaper. They are pieces of paper with ink on them. Yet we have given them the power to sway our views and determine our status in life. Vehicles of information have become propaganda machines. We are being brainwashed as a nation...and unfortunately now that we have satellite TV...as a world.

I have one daughter who is naturally thin. Yet she will be hard on herself if she gains a few pounds. She is a size 6, for heaven's sake! Her sister has a different body type. She is not naturally that size, and has had eating disorders throughout most of her life in an attempt to fit that model of acceptability.

As I talked to the older one (size 6) and mentioned that we are molding our belief systems to adhere to someone else’s concept of what is attractive, I realized that we are playing out the story of the Emperor's New Clothes. If you recall, the Emperor was persuaded by a silver-tongued tailor that he had an outstanding new wardrobe when in fact he was wearing nothing. Not wanting to appear stupid, he agreed with the tailor about his stylish new clothes. His subjects all followed suit, and affirmed the magnificence of his new outfits until a child, in his innocence, cried out that the emperor had nothing on. When you really look at pictures of the models who represent the new desired look, they are barely beyond the hauntingly gaunt pictures of survivors from concentration camps after WWII. This is desirable?? By whose standard? By what measure? Where is the little child amongst us who shouts out that they look unhealthy?

As we let ourselves be molded by a jaded idea of beauty or acceptability, we are falling into a trap of becoming mindless followers. Whether  the issue is weight, or age, or our work, we need to stand up and say "NO" to an external imposition of what is right for us.

We need to champion who we are, what we do, and how WE view life. We need to be authentic and recharge ourselves with the knowledge that we are part of a beautiful bouquet of diversity in the life plan. We are not all the same for a reason. What a dull world this would be without differences.

If we believe in the perfection of a Supreme Being, how can we ever allow Madison Avenue’s criteria for beauty and acceptability supersede the code of The One who created us?      
~ Food for Thought
From Seasons of the Soul 1999

Question and Answer: Expectation

I am often asked to give advice to people regarding issues they are dealing with, and will begin putting a few questions and answers on the BLOG that might be helpful to others as well.

Q. I was on a visit to a friend’s house for several days, and we took a long hike up a mountainside. I fell several times on the way down, and each time had to pick myself up. My friend was caring, but not very helpful – his dog was more concerned about me -  and since I got home, he hasn’t called to see if I’m okay. I didn’t break anything but I sure was sore, and if the situation had been reversed, I would certainly have made every effort to help him and to check on him after I’d left. I have a lot of mixed feelings for him. We’ve been friends for years and do a lot of spiritual work together, but now that I’m a widow, I’m ready for a full relationship with someone, and don’t know what to make of this treatment. Any insights?   

A. Here is something that comes to mind immediately: Expectation.
We have the way we do life, and it seems as though this is the way everyone ought to be doing life. Yet, it isn't. My sense of your friend is that he is a very independent person. His dog is the only other who he has allowed himself to truly give in to - and this is why he has remained single. He has a certain amount he is able to give, and then it stops. Plus, he perceives you as very strong and capable, and that this is your journey. Checking on you would somehow be unnecessary.  This is an area where many men miss the boat, and is why women are mostly the nurturers. If you have something tangible to fix, or a problem to be solved, most men are right there. Of course this is a generalization, but it applies more than not.

When I sensed the energetic component around the two of you before you went on this visit, I truly felt that you would have to view the trip from a very detached place, without expectation about what it was supposed to be. From what you’ve told me, you and your friend share a marvelous spiritual love - the agape type of communion that is rare between souls. But we have a problem in the west. We get it all bound up with romantic love because we haven't got a context for different types of love relationships, and certainly don’t even have language for them. The word Love is supposed to cover everything, but in fact is very limiting conceptually. A relationship can be a deep abiding love that does not step into the romantic realm as we perceive it, and I sense that in his heart this is how he sees you.

As for feeling miffed at his seeming lack of concern in not contacting you, I know it is hard when you are a person who is as thoughtful as you are. You remember the little kindnesses and you are always right there with the gifts, cards, and calls. I am not good in that way. My way of expressing care is different, and it can be frustrating for someone who really appreciates and resonates to the warmer response, so I understand this from both sides of the equation. As my astrologer friend says, you have to know the animal you are dealing with. Then there are no surprises and you aren't hurt when they do it differently.

So, you were given important information on this trip. You had built up an expectation in your mind about what the relationship might become. Yet, although you are now a widow, this gentleman’s view of you is as it always was – you being his Spiritual Agape Love. And the value of this for you is that you can free your energy from concentration on him as a potential mate and let your energy flow where it will be appropriate and appreciated. And in the meantime, the love you share with this person need not change. It is what it always was, and that is a very special bond indeed, (all thoughtlessness on his part aside).

Ecological Alternatives - Straw Bale Houses

The interest in Straw Bale construction has increased in the last few years because of soaring construction costs and the diminishing supply of wood. This intriguing idea goes back to other periods of history and has been used frequently in Europe, but in recent years, due to modern techniques for compacting and forming the “cubes” that become building blocks for home construction, interest has been fanned in the United States and Canada.

Innovative architectural variations to the standard square are being designed as the usage of straw bale housing increases, including curved walls. Straw bale housing is easy to assemble, and there are workshops given on weekends to facilitate building know-how.  These are some of the advantages of straw bale housing:

*Annually renewable resource - straw used to be burned in the fields after harvest, but burning is now banned in many areas because of environmental impact, and cost of straw is quite inexpensive.
*Has no food value to termites, rodents, or bugs, so the walls will be pest free.
*As insulation, a stuccoed and plastered bale has a superior rating of R40-45, which is considered excellent and cuts utility bills.
*Low fire hazard. Straw bales do not burn easily. Good bales are compacted tightly and eliminate oxygen. Trying to burn straw bales is like trying to burn a telephone book.
*Straw bale construction is environmentally friendly and non-toxic. There are no noxious chemicals within straw or used to build the houses, so people who are chemically sensitive have a safe environment in which to live.
*Straw bale houses are very sturdy, contrary to the story of the Three Little Pigs. Houses of straw built in Europe have lasted for centuries.

The only hazard to a straw bale is water. Once the house is stuccoed and plastered within the frame, there is no problem. However, during the building phase and when storing the bales, they must be protected because they can deteriorate if they get soaked.

If the idea of straw bale housing appeals to you, check with your city planning department to see if they are legal in your area, and ask if they have a list of reliable contractors who build straw bale houses. If you would like to learn to build these houses for yourself, check with Sustainable Architecture, c/o Lawrence Schechter, 910 Glendale Ave., Ashland, OR 97520 Phone: 503/482-6332 or go on the internet and google straw bale houses to find out what's happening now in the field.
This article is from Seasons of the Soul 1996

Long Die The King...and the Queen

The following article was written in 1996 after a particularly snide attack at then president Bill Clinton's wife, Hillary. The level of attacks have escalated since that time on anyone who is in the highest position of power, and as we've seen in this primary season for the presidential race, attack is the modus operandi. It is debilitating and keeps us from dialogue that is important for the renewal of our country. Let's hope that McCain and Obama will refrain from the political smears that we've been accustomed to, and lend dignity once again to an office that deserves better than it has been getting or giving!

------

It has become increasingly evident in the past 20+ years that we have a preoccupation in this country with “getting” our leaders. Ever since the Watergate scandal in the early 70s, it seems that each subsequent president has been targeted with an enormous burden by a mean spirited press that seeks to wrestle them from their position.

In the days of John Kennedy, our “king” was actually killed …now we just insult them out of office. Cruelty used to be directed at the President, but in this day of greater equality, the First Lady is also under major attack. As long as she (regardless of party) is willing to wear the obligatory white pearls and big smile, and say very little about anything, she’s left alone. However, when she becomes involved, she is subject to the same tactics used against the man of the House. We read recently about Jean Houston having helped Hilary Clinton through a guided visualization in which Mrs. Clinton was able to ‘dialogue’ with Eleanor Roosevelt. Anyone who has followed visualization techniques through the years would applaud the use of this meaningful exercise, but in the framework of today’s news media, what was meant to be an expanding experience was taken completely out of context and denigrated as a psychic séance.

The work of Jean Houston, which is truly spectacular, was trivialized, and Hilary Clinton was viewed as floundering, seeking help from a dead presidential wife because she couldn’t get adequate council from any living ones. (Perhaps that was true!) For those of us attempting to raise consciousness, it is another indication of the narrow-minded attitude still prevalent in this country.

We could leave it there, but it is an indication of something bigger going on. The end of patriarchy is not going gently into the night…it is enraged by the inroads the feminine is making, and doing everything possible to short circuit it. However, the very attention given to this incident brings forth the larger work that Houston is involved with. As she told a friend of mine who happened to be taking a seminar from her the week the s… hit the fan, Hilary Clinton is a role model for the embodiment of equal partnership between men and women that will emerge in the 21st Century, and she is in need of prayers from all of us, because the constant criticism is debilitating.

We may as a society be able to discredit or eliminate the rulers, but we cannot stop the rise of equality, because it is tied to the reawakening of earth, the indigenous cultures, and other ancient wisdom that is emerging in spite of what we do to stop it. A new consciousness is forming related to union and reunion, and the sooner we move into the concept with a sense of cooperation and partnership, the more dynamic the possibilities will become for everyone.

The roots of our hostile political climate are complex, and this is by no means meant to trivialize the issues, but when we complain that there are no good leaders on the horizon, we need to ask ourselves, would we be willing to take the offices that put us and our family in the spotlight, with a hungry media intent on crucifying us? Not many good people are willing to destroy their lives for the ‘privilege’ of serving in that political climate.
From Seasons of the Soul Summer 1996

Never Say Never

“I don’t want an indoor cat!” With that statement, I more or less let my daughters know that my great-aunt’s cat would have to find a home with one of them. We would certainly never just giver her away, but even though I seemed to be the obvious choice for taking her, I was concerned about having “another responsibility.” Caring for my great-aunt and the concerns for her health and wellbeing had been on my shoulders for 20 years. Steve and I were looking forward to having some time without responsibility. Now that my sweet little 101 year old relative was in a Care Home, I was relieved of worry about her, so having a cat to think about just didn’t fit in to my plans.

While I was making arrangements for moving everything from my great-aunt’s apartment, I had a friend who lived in the same complex come in and feed Patsy (that is the cat’s name). This went on for a week. I would also go visit, and she always greeted me in the same warm fashion I’d been accustomed to throughout the six years she lived with my great aunt. In fact, I was the one who chose her from the Stanford Rescue Mission. She was very sweet, and I thought would be a perfect companion for my great aunt, who had recently lost her beloved pet of fifteen years.

Fast forward to present time. Both my daughters have cats, and one has a dog as well. Patsy is an “only” cat, and also an indoor cat.

“I don’t want a cat!”

“But mom, you already have two outdoor cats that you had fixed when they were little, and you have to be responsible for them. What’s the difference with having another one?”

“I don’t want an indoor cat!”

“Well, mom, if you really feel that way, both your son in laws are really up for having Patsy come live with either of us. But I think it’s a mistake. Patsy knows and loves you.”

End of conversation.

I went to see Patsy, and she was especially sweet and loving, and I thought about my girls and the responsibilities they had, and thought maybe I should just at  least take Patsy for a little while. I mean really, it was true, I already had two feral cats who I had to have taken care of whenever we went away, so what was one more...for the short term...until a good home could be found for her.

My birthday was on a Saturday, and we went to my great-aunt’s apartment to pick up a few things. We happened to bring my friend’s cat carrier, too, and she graciously came up to the apartment and helped us get Patsy into the carrier. Patsy meowed mournfully on our drive to our home in a different town, but once she was in the house, she rolled over and purred and bonked her head against all the furniture, acting as though she’d lived here forever.

“She’s very sweet, isn’t she?” I asked Steve. He thought she was very cute.

“Maybe she needs a special little bed,” I said. Luckily, there was a pet store just down the hill.

“Well, just so she’s comfortable until we do something different….” and off I went to the store.

A kitty condo, two beds, scratching posts, new high sided kitty pan, brushes and combs, special dishes, and many toys later, Patsy is here to stay. 

The girls came over for a visit one Sunday and noted how she fit in. Both were somewhat jealous because their cats aren’t nearly so nice.

“Mom...wouldn’t you like to trade?”

“NO! Patsy is OUR cat!”

Moral of the story:  Never say Never.

From Seasons of the Soul Spring 2008

Circle of Life

In late March, my 101 year old great aunt fell, and I had to call 911 to have her taken to the hospital. Subsequently, it was determined that she could no longer live alone. She’d done a marvelous job of being independent with my weekly help, but the time had now arrived when we needed to find a different living arrangement.

In going through the process of moving her from hospital to nursing facility to a Care Home, I saw the process of disengagement from life to death in those who were living in the nursing facility, and it made me aware of how life is actually a circle. 

We come into life after 9 months of gestation, and go through the process of labor. We are born as helpless little babies who need to be bathed, clothed, fed, and have our diapers changed. We sleep most of the time with a gradual increase in awake time and awareness of what is around us. We become conscious and emerge into the world.

As we grow old, unless we have a premature death, we come to the point of once again needing care from others. And when our bodies wear down, we once again are somewhat helpless, need to be fed, bathed and clothed,  have our diapers changed, and spend more and more time in the sleep state as we disengage from the process of daily alertness and interest in life. And just as labor takes 9 months, this process of releasing life takes the time it needs for us to gather ourselves in preparation for the next great journey.

There are so many rites of passage throughout our lives—moving from babyhood to childhood, from childhood to teen years, young adulthood, full adulthood, menopause and the entrance to older years, and finally old age. Each has a precious opportunity and a challenge—but all are part of our development and fulfillment, and in the end, we do indeed complete a full Circle of Life.
From Seasons of the Soul Spring 2008

Shakedown of Spirit

The Three scenarios of a child on planet earth:

1. Believing what they are presented with and succumbing

2. Believing what they are presented with and defying

3. Remembering who they REALLY are and becoming

~KJ

Ecological Alternatives - Straw Bale Houses

The interest in Straw Bale construction has increased in the last few years because of soaring construction costs and the diminishing supply of wood. This intriguing idea goes back to other periods of history and has been used frequently in Europe, but in recent years, due to modern techniques for compacting and forming the “cubes” that become building blocks for home construction, interest has been fanned in the United States and Canada.

Innovative architectural variations to the standard square are being designed as the usage of straw bale housing increases, including curved walls. Straw bale housing is easy to assemble, and there are workshops given on weekends to facilitate building know-how.  These are some of the advantages of straw bale housing:

*Annually renewable resource - straw used to be burned in the fields after harvest, but burning is now banned in many areas because of environmental impact, and cost of straw is quite inexpensive.
*Has no food value to termites, rodents, or bugs, so the walls will be pest free.

*As insulation, a stuccoed and plastered bale has a superior rating of R40-45, which is considered excellent and cuts utility bills.

*Low fire hazard. Straw bales do not burn easily. Good bales are compacted tightly and eliminate oxygen. Trying to burn straw bales is like trying to burn a telephone book.

*Straw bale construction is environmentally friendly and non-toxic. There are no noxious chemicals within straw or used to build the houses, so people who are chemically sensitive have a safe environment in which to live.

*Straw bale houses are very sturdy, contrary to the story of the Three Little Pigs. Houses of straw built in Europe have lasted for centuries.

The only hazard to a straw bale is water. Once the house is stuccoed and plastered within the frame, there is no problem. However, during the building phase and when storing the bales, they must be protected because they can deteriorate if they get soaked.

If the idea of straw bale housing appeals to you, check with your city planning department to see if they are legal in your area, and ask if they have a list of reliable contractors who build straw bale houses.

From Seasons of the Soul 1996