When we fall in love, it is a natural desire to merge with the one we feel is our soul mate and eternal love. It's as though we enter the mysterious world of what lovers experience and hand our heart to the other, pledging undying loyalty and in essence giving part of ourselves away for their safe keeping. It all feels so right and splendid and unifying at the time, and we proceed with this relationship for a long or short period, enmeshed in them and they in us.
This form of giving self away is actually misplaced because we are handing over a vital part of ourselves for the nurturance and safe keeping by another who is also very human and who may or may not keep the trust that both have felt was a lifelong commitment. When the breaking of a bond happens through death or divorce - the splitting apart of two who thought they were one - the deep issues that can arise after that causing violent reaction or deep depression are based on the fact that we have given ourselves into another's keeping when the true role of partnership is that each retains their own essence and SHARES it with the other.
Just as reclaiming the inner child who is lost in limbo because we assumed the child portion of ourselves was merely a phase in development, giving our heart to another is a gross error that has serious repercussions. In our state as individuals, we are to remain intact as individuals who recognize that in a larger context we are all of One substance. Our individuation is not error, it is for good purpose that we don't fully understand. Like the cells in our body, each has a part to play and needs to remain in its wholeness and vibrancy. When cancer enters, surrounding tissue is subsumed by that cancer and the integrity of each cell has been compromised. The workings of our body mechanism can be translated to our physical interactions with others, for in all things, this is a system that works at the inner and outer levels. As religious texts reveal, "As above, so below."
If we truly understand why we are so distraught when we lose the one we thought we could not live without, we will come to a valuable insight. When we meet what appears to be a soul mate, the function is to allow us to radiate the love that is within us - to bask in the glow of our own ability to love and be loved. It is not to give ourselves away, for only to the Creator does that authority belong.
Let's look at this from a practical standpoint. If I hand you my heart and give you authority over my wellbeing, I have abdicated my responsibility for my own wellbeing. I have in essence, abandoned my heart to another, expecting them to be faithful in loving me as I need to be loved and caring for me forever. When something breaks that bond, my heart is still with that person, and I feel lost because I have abandoned a major part of myself that belongs with me for life, just as my inner child belongs with me for life. IF I understand this, I will not give you my heart - not because I don't love you enough - but because I realize that it is not your job to be responsible for my wellbeing, just as I am not responsible for yours.
We come together in strength of love as a bond...holding hands through the journey and supporting one another. We do not enmesh and become one another, for that is a weight we are not meant to carry and a burden of responsibility that is not ours to take or expect of another. Your energy system is yours, and mine belongs to me. I cannot make you my savior just as you cannot make me yours. We ALWAYS have to remember what the source of our love is and from where it comes, and we go back to THAT source for our sustenance and supply, allowing us to be in relationship to one another with gratitude and appreciation, not out of neediness.
If you have already enmeshed yourself in a relationship that has ended, as you understand what happened with your heart, you do not need to be hardened, you do not need to be lost, you do not need to feel life is over. All you need do is mentally or in person go to the other and take your heart back. In essence, you realize that the fault is not theirs. The misunderstanding is yours, and in so going to the other through visualization or in real time, you clearly express your recognition of misplaced dependency and request the return of your heart.
In the process or retrieval, if there is anything of the other that you have taken over, you return it to them. This clears the channels and allows you both to go on with a sense of appreciation for what the relationship was and a return to wholeness within yourself. You have righted an imbalance that was caused out of a misguided sense that giving your heart to another is the way of love. In truth, it is the way of possessiveness, and that is a whole other fear based dependency tactic springing forth out of lack of self-worth that goes back to the child part of oneself that will always feel inadequate until it is reclaimed and nourished within oneself.