I was getting ready to scramble an egg one morning and remembered back to when I was in Junior High School in Home Economics class, and we were learning how to scramble eggs. I made comments at the time about how the egg was actually something that came from a chicken and was going to become a chicken, and in my attempt to gross out my classmates, I thoroughly nauseated myself and could not eat eggs for a long time.
For some reason the memory returned as I looked at the egg and yolk I was ready to beat together. I commanded to myself, “Don’t think about it!”…and of course, I thought about it. And it dawned on me how the mind is attracted to what it is directed to – even when it is directed to a don’t or a not – it moves towards the thing described. I thought about how as kids, when told not to touch something, we became more curious, and often did what we were told not to do.
So as I stood scrambling my egg, I was thinking of things to command myself not to think of – and they came popping in after the admonition. However, as I was focused on the negative thing I’d told myself not to think of, I brought in a command to “think of a waterfall,” and I immediately saw a waterfall in my mind’s eye. I replaced the negative image with a positive one in an instant, and that reminded me of new techniques in parenting that are being used. When a child is misbehaving and focused on things they should not be doing, instead of telling them NOT to do that, the child is directed to an activity or thing that is positive. By shifting focus, a new image has been provided, and the child is not engulfed in guilt or defensiveness. They simply move on to the next thing.
I’ve watched it work with my granddaughter, and amaze myself with the ease in which we move to a positive directive when there is no tag line attached, no guilt induction or fault. Hitting or engaging in dangerous behavior is a whole different thing – but helping children and ourselves train our minds to focus on positive imagery that nourishes us is a beneficial effort.
For those of us who spend a lot of time in self-recrimination, the idea of transplanting the “I should haves” with positive imagery of what we have done right goes a long way to making us feel whole and refreshed – ready for a new project or attempt at something we may have failed at before. Try it. See if it makes a difference for you. In place of focusing on something negative, or berating yourself, turn immediately to an image of something that is joyous or peaceful, and remember the things you HAVE done well – and then remember to appreciate yourself for them!
From Seasons of the Soul print edition 2006
